Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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