In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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