Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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