you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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