The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
