We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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