I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
