I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
