I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
