Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
