She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
