I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
