if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
