Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
