dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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