boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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