My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You are a genius and a whore.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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