so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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