jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
