I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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