I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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