So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
