I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
