Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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