dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
