She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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