Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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