i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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