I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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