Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
God, I missed his penis.
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