Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
