between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
