Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
