why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
