belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
