I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
