just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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