I cockslap morals
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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