Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
