he was CRYING into my vagina
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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