If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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