sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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