we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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