you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
