Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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