You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
