look no pants
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
