You just made me feel so damn special
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
