im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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