like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
