He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
