butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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