omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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