Christians are straight up FREAKS
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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