guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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