I got chris browned last night
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
