you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
