Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
