dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
