I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pappa wants mamma naked
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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