ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
