I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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