Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
