the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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