I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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