The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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