I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
